Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Dear Young Person,

Dear Young Person,

I'm sitting here across from you and my heart is breaking.
I don't know how you ended up here- you keep asking but I don't have the answer to that question. I can't even tell you that it gets easier as you get older- because it really doesn't... though I guess it does get easier to make better choices because you tend to learn from your mistakes... and as life tries to fuck with you- my hope is that the resilience you have inside you that's gotten you this far- will win the battles thrown your way.
The truth is, and I know it's not positive and uplifting: "life is hard- and it's not fair"
It's not fair that you slept in a stairway last night- it's insane. It's not fair that your parent abandoned you- it's not fair that your parent is choosing a girlfriend or boyfriend-- or dog-- over you. It's insane. You're not perfect... but you're worth much more than that.
That being said, maybe your parents are at home- worried sick about you- calling all those people you call your "friends" only to discover no one knows where you are- no one has seen you... maybe your time here- meeting some of the other young people here- will help you realize that things at home aren't so bad- sure your parents are lame- but at least they love you- and they love you enough to tolerate your teenage bullshit that they want you to come back home.
You tell me stories that make my heart cry... that make me want to reach across and hold your hand- or hug you- and tell you it's going to be okay. I see the hurt on your face, sadness in your eyes, hear the desperation in your voice- and I wish I could take it all away for you.
You say you want to be 10 years old again- when things were better- when you were a little kid... before you started smoking weed- and drinking- before you ended up in treatment for heroin at age 15. You show me pictures of that untainted past- before something changed- before the road turned dark and dangerous- a time when you didn't have to care what people thought of you- there was no pressure to be cool or badass- because you were 10. You show me pictures of when you got out of treatment the first time- so proud of the actual weight you carried on your tired bones- the healthy lifestyle you led-- until again- the road became tangled with obstacles and barriers.
You're back here again- and it feels like no one believes in you. I do. I see glimpses of you being a normal teenager. I hear your jokes- and I get to see you smile- if only for a moment-- and that makes me believe in you. I know, young person, you feel like giving up- like the world is against you- there are situations where that's just simple teenage angst- but there are those of you where, even from my perspective, it seems like the world is against you. Don't. Stop. Fighting.
You can do it. You have a plan- through all this you're learning about yourself- you have clarity some of my adult friends lack- you have a self awareness, that just listening to you, makes me feel almost zen-like. You know what works- and what doesn't- most of the time- but making those choices isn't so easy when you're fighting for basic survival- and you can't beat yourself up. You can accept the choices you've made that have gotten you here- and try not to make them again. You can accept help- you can ask for more help... but Don't. Stop. Fighting.
My job is to be an advocate. Not every youth breaks my heart- trust me. Not every youth inspires me... but enough of them do. Sometimes I want to shake the youth- and other times I want to shake their parents or their social workers. I want to tweak the "system" so it stops circling around and around- I want to speed it up- so when these young people are at that point where they're ready to make the change- the window for change is open- and they can move through it...
I have learned a lot. Looking back at events in my own life I'm glad the people I love moved around the obstacles and over the barriers- I'm glad I did. It's not instantaneous- not even close but I try hard to live without regret- and just accept that every choice can't be a good one- and those mistakes are to be learned from. I'm glad someone believed in me- and I'm happy to be the person who believes in so many.
Young person, you are much stronger than you think, the fact is, you're alive. Now come back and visit us here when you've won this next battle life is throwing at you- tell us about your victory--- bring pictures of you now- smiling. Continue to inspire. I believe you can do it.

1 comments:

Maria said...

This is so good. These kids are lucky to have you.