At Least the Rain Makes the Clovers Green...

Written April 28, 2011 When I was a little kid- okay- let's say around 10 or so- I could seem to spot a four leaf clover from a mile away. I would pick three or four at a time and I remember thinking to myself, "holy I must be so lucky". I haven't had many of those moments lately. Too wrapped up in being exhausted and trying to sleep train while folding laundry and changing a giant three year old's poopy princess pull up. (still with the poo issues!). It's been rainy and cold and so very grey that when I wake up in the morning I almost want to go back to midnight and fight through the night with Otis again just to see if when I wake up for my run- the sun just might be shining. Then this morning, a usually grey day, I had a little moment. I'm going to cling to that moment for as long as I can- hopefully past the point of Abby not listening to me at all causing me to carry her out of our best friend's house like a suitcase, past the point of poopy pull ups and screaming baby with separation anxiety... Nothing happened really. Otis woke up at 5am and made noise until finally pooping at 545am... I laid there listening and waiting, attempting to interpret his coos and "ba ba das". Wondering how many times he could switch binkies and flip them over and chew on his blankey... I changed him and nursed him and put him back down in his makeshift crib nestled in the corner of our tiny bedroom. He looked at me with his gorgeous eyes.. and protested for only a second... I walked out of the room leaving Jay to rock Otis if need be- he went right back to sleep (nothing does that like a good poop). I changed into my running clothes- grossly still kind of sweaty from last night's bootcamp class- but I didn't take anything else out of my dresser so I had to work with what was there rather than disturb the boys in my life sleeping away in my room. I glanced at Abby- who has been fairly sick- fighting a terrible cough while eating her own snot- and she was snoring away- finally peaceful and able to actually "rest" while she slept. I covered her up with a silky robe she calls her "mommy soft soft" which was actually a gift I got for my bridal shower-- every time I watch Abby and Otis sleep I realize how similar they look with their eyes closed- and it's not just because they're quiet for once in their lives-- their eye shape is the same- the same soft little lips and perfect nose. Their faces look so serene- and beautiful- and it's at those moments, like so many throughout the day- that I'm in awe that I actually helped create such perfection. I was able to grab a quick shower- joined by Ab- which I usually hate- but this morning I welcomed it... watching her mimic me is cute- and I'm flattered that she wants to be like me- it makes me self concious in a way that I actually invite because I know I need to practice being a better person- so we have less of "this fucking pencil doesn't work!" incidences at the library-- where I looked up in shock at her proper use of such a word- only to see that she had been using said 'fucking" pencil to draw in a library book (which I promptly shoved back on a shelf). I need to practice being calm for her- and using soothing words... less harsh... and when I don't sleep it's hard! But I'm going to practice- for Abby- and Otis. I braided Abby's hair- "one braid Mommy- like a pony" because she knows I hate the single pony tail because all her wispies come out and get food and paint in them- I helped with her pants- "with a belt like your pants mommy". I was able to put on my make up and then we heard Otis- Abby always anxious to be the first one in to greet him- and he LOVES it! A nice little snuggle and poopy bum change for Odey boy and off to make breakfast for Abby- mango french fries, giant daddy strawberries and orange wedgies.. oh, and a wah-fuh. (waffle) Otis played around in his exersaucer giggling at the cat- I drank my coffee semi warm while blending up some mango for his breakfast- picking him up when he's happy is such a joy- he lifts his arms to me and smiles and coos and welcomes my touch- leaning in to suck on my nose or drool on my shoulder- sometimes I find this annoying and irritating to have to clean myself up after just showering- but this morning I welcomed the baby-fluids. He gabbed away while I fed him in his highchair, Abby popping in and out of the kitchen from her usual "picnic" breakfast in front of Rob the Robot and Curious George... when Otis was finished eating I went to wipe his face- he hates it... but this morning I teased him and played with him and he giggled so hard- laughing at his crazy Mommy-- and at that moment- I realized looking out the window at the pissing rain- that the rain really does make the clovers grow. Watching his eyes light up and hearing that beautiful giggle- watching Abby come in to see what was going on- grabing onto me because she was a little jealous- I grabbed that moment- grabbed my two litle four leaf clovers and sent a mental thank you to my husband for making me so lucky. It won't last all day- probably not even until lunch time (as Otis has woken up much much too early from his nap) but I won't forget this feeling. I won't even hate the rain today for keeping us cold and inside. I will embrace Otis crawling room to room army style to either find me or chase the cat- I might even be able to snuggle Abby through an episode of Cailou (though I really hate that whiny bald little bastard)- on second thought maybe we can dress up like princesses instead... our little trip to go pick Abby up from preschool will not be so monotonus today- because it will give us something to do in the rain- drive around and listen to Imagination Movers while watching Otis take in the world.. watch the falling rain and be thankful for giving me such green little clovers.