The Negotiator

Written July 28, 2010

Holy shizzle I'm so tired- tired of being tired, tired of whining about it- tired of doing it to myself by staying up late... in this heat Abby isn't going to bed until 9-930- and the desire for a few moments of alone time over-rules the exhaustion- I imagine that will end when the new baby comes... Abby has been very... umm.. determind these days.. Every single directive I give her seems like it's up for negotiation- well she thinks it is... this results in me asking, "are you listening??" 500 000 times a day- most of the time she says "yes I listen" the odd time she yells, "I NO listen to you Mommy!" when then of course ends in her sitting on her 'quiet time' chair in her room while she promises to listen from now on... it gets old fast. There are many things that do not age as quickly as negotiation-- for instance I brought Abby's little buddy Sadie on a little trip to the petting zoo- en route as the two bopped their cute little faces to Yo Gabba Gabba they had a full on conversation- and I with the weight of this wiggly baby pressing on my bladder- listened and giggled and tried my best not to pee myself. Sadie greeted Abby by telling her how nice she looked- Abby thanked her- Sadie goes on to say that she likes Abby's new hat because it has butterflies and hearts- Abby tells her proudly that her Mommy bought it from the store... a little singing break ensues where Sadie proceeds to tell me what a remix is (it's when they take little pieces from a bunch of songs and mix them up to make a new song-- FYI the Gabba CD has several remixes) Abby and Sadie then carried on to discuss their birthdays and what kind of cakes their Mommies would make them and how they would help. I nearly died... when did they turn 10?? Abby has been so much more "interactive" (I guess that's the word) and rather than playing beside her little buddies she plays with them- and I love to watch.. I love to watch the bonds between her friends grow so that instead of tantrums when someone wants to borrow a toy it's a "okay Abby" and a "thank you Kae-nen" or in today's case "Sadie". I love when Kaeden comes burning down the trail to share his granola bar than he has shoved in his pocket and I love how he gives Abby the tiniest crumb at first (Abby would 100% do the same thing) until his Mommy reminds him to share just a little bit more... I just enjoy watching her little brain work- even when it's bratty! The negotiator kicks in when she asks 600 times to play back inside even though she's soaking wet and I say, "no no no" and then you see her stand still and think... scheme and all of a sudden she "has to go pee pee" yea right! But man- I'll give it to her that she's very smart. She appreciates all her gifts and hand me downs from various friends- and we are very fortunate to have many- calling her new tricycle her "Ella bike" and any new piece of clothing simply must have come from Nan Nan or Granny-- she refuses to wear a beautiful gift from Violet insisting to me that it's Violet's dress and she (Violet) wants it back! Jay brought home additional "poo poo in the potty" gifts and Abby must have said, "thank you Daddy for bringing me a present" 85 times-- she isn't always so grateful and getting her to say please or thank you is like pulling teeth- but that's mostly during a big negotiation settlement and she doesn't want to appear weak... I love how she associates her memories and remembers who people are- and how much she loves her cousin "Yaya" (Lyla) and her friend "Weesa" (Ainsley) who are two very patient 8 year olds who just adore Abby- I love Abby's need for adventure (okay I don't always love it- sometimes a momma just wants to rest a little!) I love how she mimics people she loves- and invites Granny for sleepovers... She seems excited for her baby "bruder" who is "still growin in there" to arrive- though I don't know how realistic it is for me to think that everything will go smooth as silk- and I feel kind of sad at times worrying that somehow in the little time we have in a day that I won't be able to love them both the same- I know moms of two or more insist there is always enough love- but my heart has moments of near explosion just watching Abby sleep that I wonder how true that can be. I'm scared that our relationship will change and she'll spend all her time with Daddy because I'll be nursing the babe- or that she will think I love the baby more because I rock him to sleep- geez- I am in a panic about where she will go when I go into labour- though I think the Burnaby Mommies have it covered- but then I worry about inconviencing them because I realize how precious sleep is and how nap time is just coveted- I worry that Abby will miss me or think I"m sick= just today when I had a little meltdown crying on the phone to my Mom Abby crawled in my lap and asked with her giant blue eyes, "Are you okay Mommy? are you sad? Are you okay?" I don't want her to see me in pain- the first time I did not hide the pain of contractions well at all- this time I worry about my acting skills for her sake... I just panic myself about what will happen... The transition from 1-2 babies is terrifying- throw in that Jay gets ZERO days off and we have no family here and it's even more scary- I am scared of PPD again- and a million other things- I have a zillion things to do and no energy to do them- instead I'll just whine publicly about it here! ha! I'm not sleeping super well because in addition to it being hot this baby bean is a serious mover and shaker- today he fkipped and flopped so much I felt carsick! and his giant feet are super pokey- and his big head is pushing on my bladder so hard that I nearly pee myself in my sleep! All those complaints and I know how much I will miss being pregnant- miss those kicks and nudges that I don't have to share with anyone.. I will also miss eating peak frenes and m&ms as my work outs and weight watchers has to start stat-- at 30lbs gained already-- I'm a little scared! Anyway.. enough whining out of me.. sometimes I just feel the urge to share- so it reminds me that through these "turdy twos" my Abby girl is seriously someone so amazing- and I am amazed every day that I have had something to do with creating her- I know her little determind self is going to continue to grow into an amazing little lady- and likely a very bossy big sister- (like her Mommy).. I hope she takes to the transition of being a big sister as well as she's taken in the rest of the world.