Dear Abby, I promise not to ever sell you over the internet. I promise never to tell you that you are lower than the family dog and do not deserve to eat with the rest of your family. I promise never to lock you out of the fridge. I promise to give you a key to your own house so you are able to get in from the cold. I promise to love you whether you are gay or straight or transgendered or bisexual. I promise not to ever choose anyone over you and make you sleep outside. I promise to be there to help you recover from your mistakes rather then tell you that you no longer exist in our family. I promise to help heal your wounds rather than inflicting them. I promise to love you. I have been working a lot lately- at the safe house. I love my job. It is balanced with challenge and fun and technical and practical. Some days I get to make cookies and watch movies with the youth- and other days I'm doing crisis intervention and counseling. I get to refer youth to services I feel would benefit them and help them. I get to watch them get closer and closer to making positive changes in their lives. I get to watch baby steps and giant leaps and bounds. This has been a good week for me there.. the kids in the house are very nice- most seem like they are in a place where they are ready to take the steps to make some positive changes- some are still at the point where the system is screwing with their lives- and some are still in the same old cycle but they still reach out to us... and it's still balanced I guess. My heart broke tonight when one of the youth showed me his report card- explaining that he wanted to show me because he had no one else to show it to. It took all I had not to cry right there.. not to hug him and tell him that things are going to get better... We don't cross that boundary where I work, which I am grateful for- if we did I might have a house full of 17 year olds right now- trying to fix all of their situations... this young person has been wearing the same clothes for a week because he is afraid to go home and get some clothes. This person has been going to school hours away from our resource- and doing his homework every night. He is interactive and responds well to encouragement and praise.. he likes to watch movies and play computer games and make fun of my crafting skills (or lack thereof)... he is a human being... but he wasn't being treated like one. The stories we hear at my job are sometimes difficult to leave there.. but that's part of the training and practice that comes along with social service work-- it is a challenge.. and because I'm only human- sometimes I fail. I might just be tired tonight.. I haven't been sleeping much- I have my own contstant internal/maternal battle going on.. and I have a nearly-2-year-old who is in the midst of her sliding tantrum stage- it IS a stage... RIGHT? I have been thinking a bit about the future- and my sister and mom's idea of starting our own safe house or group home- would most likely end up being a group home.. I wish I had a million dollars so I could do it.. I've been thinking about it so much that while I was pumping gas tonight at 11:30 after a 17 hour day I looked at the lotto sign- I think 30 million- or 40 million- and I thought, with all that money... I could open a safe house and have enough money to pay off Jay's student loan- I guess that does verify that I am tired- I didn't even consider all the shoes I could buy with that money.... All I can hope with my days at work is that nobody gets arrested- and that the pain and hurting of these kids will eventually cease. I wish I could take it away- but I can't take it home. I hope they remember my tiny (and sometime pitiful excuses for silver linings). I hope they can carry with them a tinch of the encouragement and motivation I try to shower them with. I hope they will utilize the lessons they have learned from the boundaries we set up for them at the safe house- maybe think twice about that next scam or robbery. I hope they remember me and my coworkers as someone positve who treated them like they deserve to be treated... like a human being.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
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2 comments:
the youth are so lucky to have you amy, and from the sounds, you're pretty lucky to have them too. thank goodness there's still a number of caring individuals (such as yourself) working their asses off in the field. you deserve some shooooes. and a lotto win :)
jenn b
Although we think to change the world we need to have a big impact on a large group of people, you should see that you are changing the world for every individual that you work with and support. You are helping shape people that many would (and have) cast aside because they are not good enough. You're doing it all simply by letting them know that you are there, and they are both seen and heard.
If you win the lotto and you do opt for shoes, I would like a pair of boots too please.
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