Mom's the Word... Friday, August 24, 2007

So reading back on my whiny woe-is-me blog I feel like a baby.. that being said I feel like a baby practically every night when I fall asleep no later than 9:30pm! It's crazy, like a switch I'm out.. unless I'm at girls night and I'm hopped up on sugar and the high that I'm out of the house getting to socialize with my friends! Recently as you know I've been spending my time growing a human.. a little baby girl (that tech better not have been lying cuz if it's a boy he'll be in a lot of pink!).. now I was warned about my body changing.. mostly quotes like, "Oh YOU JUST WAIT!!!", "when I was pregnant..." etc etc. And like all new mothers-to-be advice and warnings are wanted, but really we'll take them without the attitude because remember we're hormonal and like small children will likely do the opposite of any advice given with a holier-than-though (how do you spell that?) attitude.. which if you are a mother and you care you will think about how you say things because you'd likely never want another mother to do something foolish that she'll regret! Anyhooo.. my feet are a cross between your 90 year old grandma's and a pudgy cabbage patch doll.. with cankles to match (apparently this freakshow is normal). I cannot feel my right hand at all anymore (aside from my pinky, which I'll tell ya is useless) this makes typing difficult and I've spent an hour correcting my typos in this short note.. it also makes giving the finger and making a fist in traffic very hard, so now to show my anger in lieu of a double middle finger I've taken to swearing and calling everyone stupid fucks.. very maternal. This is pregnancy carpel tunnel which causes my hands to be so numb that waking up three times in the night to pee has turned into an hour long affair of me trying get enough strength in my super pained numb hands to wad up toilet paper (I know, pretty picture isn't it!) My legs and hips appear to have tunred to cauliflower with cheese sauce as they've not even come close to seeing the sun this year (that is because I have mercy for the public). My breasts.. well, this part makes me a bit sad because I used to love them.. now.. I should fit right in to National Geographic, though Jay seems to love the new size (in one of my books this is caused by the Titty Fairy). My blood pressure is through the roof and I'm packing on pounds as all the books say you shouldn't.. and I try my best to remedy those things so not to end up on bedrest.. I'm taking suggestions, but running for an hour on the tredmill is NOT going to happen! I'm completely hormonal and crazy and often times irrational.. I find that my patience with the kids I work with is still there.. but with any other human who should understand my proclaimed suffering I find myself wanting to strangle them for no reason other than they're breathing the precious air I need for myself and the baby! I'm crazy! I also have lost a few, no.. many points of my GPA and am completly absentminded and would forget my head if it was not screwed on!! But all of this is worth it when I look down at my huge round belly. Early in the morning or late at night when I see my daughter from the outside as she rearranges and redecorates her living quarters.. when I can feel her playing and kicking and dancing.. and those moments I have when I think, "I haven't felt a kick in a while" and she gives me a little boot for reassurance.. When Jay puts his hand on my tummy to feel his daughter and she makes him wait and wait.. until finally she'll give him a little wave hello.. This feeling of alien-like gas dancing in my belly is all so worth it. I've been reading a book on what to expect when she arrives.. and I find myself tearing up in waiting rooms while I'm waiting for whatever crazy test they're sending me for next.. and it's because I'm part terrified of being in charge of a living, breathing (and likely super beautiful) human being and also because I'm so excited and I envision meeting her for the first time after she tears my body to shreads, and being so in love with her that I can't feel a thing other than that.. until the epidural wears off! I guess to sum it up, being pregnant is hard.. my whole life has changed and my body is a mess... in preparation for the scariest endeavour I've ever taken on.. but I won't be alone, I have Jay and my friends, who as soon they recover from seeing my poop on the table during labour.. will be there for us. Growing up does suck.. but I can't wait to reap the rewards in November.