Release a Butterfly??

Tomorrow, October 15, is international Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.. I'm just sayin', just throwing it out there... I don't need to spend a day remembering yet- because I spend all my days not forgetting. I know in time I'm going to feel better and stop counting the days that the nothing has been gone- soon I hope it will come... as my new obsession is making me completely nuts and I can't take too much more of it- and plus it's making my eating all wacky and I just polished off 156g of riceworks chips. Fuck. I have been reading and reading and reading about ovulation and conception after a loss.. and after a d&c.. through my investigation I read that in the US they (drs) give- or gave- I don't know how old the information was, women methaltrexate shots in order to induce a miscarriage- ummm.. Abby takes that stuff... I know her dose is low- but you know... it makes me wonder if that could possibly (very doubtedly) been the reason we lost this baby. Maybe I wasn't careful enough or didn't wear the gloves once or twice when changing her bum- I don't know.. she is so cute and wonderful- she can't be harmful. I will be emailing the drs and nurses at Children's with my list of questions- providing them with various links to my findings.. I want to give them time to come up with the answers for me- apparently I want them to turn back time... that's not going to happen.. but since we will be trying again to have another baby- I want to make sure I do all in my power for this not to happen again... I know it's not my fault, or Abby's or some person I gave the finger to and cut off in traffic for no good reason- but it would be nice to have a few straight answers for once.. just once.. For now I'm not going to release a butterfly as suggested here http://www.october15th.com/ (I think if this helps people then they should do it) but.. I will continue to not forget.. and just let time do it's thing.. and Jay will hopefully do his too ;)